Space Stuff 'n' Junk

"In your face, Space Coyote!"

This quote comes from the Spanish-titled episode (see? I told you I would quote from it more later). After receiving a message from a coyote in the sky (who is actually Johnny Cash) dealing with his soul mate, Homer goes on a spiritual quest to find his kindred spirit, who turns out to be shockingly Marge. Upon discovering this, Homer dances around in a circle in a sing-song and gives this quote. It's one of my favorites, but don't ask me why.

It is the third day of school as I post this. Maybe it's because I have posted 13 times and that's unlucky so I'm trying to make it an even 14, but I think it has more to do with my desire to show the universe up.

I have a class and a professor (both shall remain nameless to protect them. I have some powerful enemies) who are admittedly, unabashedly, and unrepentantly difficult and often reduce freshmen to tears. I am also enrolled in a History class that requires several chapters of books to be read each week. Throw on three other 300-level classes and being newly married and normal life stresses and sometimes it can feel like the universe could be against you. I know that all of you have had this kind of feeling before, like the odds are stacked against you and very little that you do will have any bearing on what actually happens. Well, I've got good news for you.

I don't pretend to have more experience than everyone else, nor do I have the answers to everything. However, some inspiration can be drawn from Homer's words here. He is indeed a very stupid and lazy individual, but even he can overcome the difficulties of the universe. And if he can do it, so can we. I'm excited to see the time when I can dance around and point to the sky and say with disdainful superiority in my voice, "In your face, Space Coyote!"

However, that time is not now. That astro-canine will have to wait for his comeuppance. Until then, my space coyote spirit guide will merely laugh as I try my best everyday. It seems that, like my sob-inducing professor, the universe likes to show me the chances of success and chuckle when I cringe. But I'm going to show the universe and my space coyote. I don't want to incur the wrath of the universe, so I'll just say that it will be tough and I am going to work as hard as I can. Hear that, Universe? I'm not asking for more, just declaring my intentions.

Good show, Universe.

It's been a crazy six months...

"I enjoyed a brief but memorable stint as Sideshow Marge."

This line comes from Marge in the episode "Eight Misbehavin'" as the family discusses the past nine months that were skipped in the show's timeline for Manjula's pregnancy. I also like Lisa's "I became the most popular kid in school, but lost it all by being conceited," and Bart learning the true meanings of Columbus Day and Winter in those nine months.

It truly has been a crazy few months for me, and that probably explains why I haven't written for a long time. In fact, I'd bet dollars to donuts that no one even reads this any more...darn.

Anywho, I've been doing a lot, like working a ton at my new job at the Orem Public Library, a job that is pretty much awesome and is rapidly becoming the job I've been at the longest; just started school today; got married in July to the love of my life (see "Rejection Avenue" for more info about her); got our own place and are living the dream. Oh and once I saw a blimp.

So there's lots of stuff that's happened in the last six months...oh wait, it's only been five since I posted last! Well now I don't feel so bad. Man it's been a crazy five months...

And once I saw a blimp.

Power Ballad!!

"Becky, you're a rose. Will you let me be your thorn?"

These words come from Otto the bus driver, proposing to his girlfriend as the classic Poison ballad wails in the background. This episode has some other great one-liners, but I'm using this one to get on a soapbox.

This song should be the anthem for the US now. Why you ask? Well, I'll tell you even if you're not asking that. I will use just a few examples:
1. Rose: Being the world power is great. A lot of privilege, prestige, kickbacks, security, free trade agreements, Google, nachos, Disneyland, etc. It wasn't easy to be the world's leading power (or keeping it that way either), but following the Cold War, you know, that thing in history books kids learn about now, the US rose to be the world's only power. Rose.
Thorn: Everyone hates you. Except Mongolia. Just look at what's happened in the past few years: Western Europe, whose bacon we've saved on numerous occasions, has been frostier and frostier to us. Relations with South Korea have been declining. Sections of Islam see the US as the Great Satan. Latin America wants us to leave it alone (and I'm not just talking about Chavez). The UN ignores us and we it. And lest we forget, 9/11 was inspired by hate of the US. But at least Eastern Europe and Mongolia still like us.

2. Rose: President Obama as president. Now, before you freak on me, the fact is more that an African-American man was elected president. 40 years ago, that was almost blasphemy. But it has happened. He is highly idealistic, which has some up sides for the president.
Thorn: Well, I don't think I need to explicate too much. Health care. Spending spree. Extreme party division lines. Inexperience, both foreign and domestic. Highly idealistic.

There's probably more, but I'm trying to write this before class. Bret Michaels was really on to something, before that something was Celebrity Apprentice. Thank you, Otto, I believe I will let you be my thorn.

It's Been A While

"Parents want to make sure their babysitter is ready for anything. That's why they hire teenagers."

First off, to those who read this blog, hopefully it is not a surprise to you that I have taken such a break from posting. It's been a ridiculously difficult time for me recently, and I haven't felt much like writing. But hey, you can't get mad at me for that right? Right???

Anyway, this quote comes from Marge, trying to explain to Lisa why no one has hired her as a babysitter. A great episode called "My Sister, My Sitter" from Season 8. And it's funny because it's true.

At least, that's what I would like. It seems like the real world (you know, the one where you find yourself in adult situations, like paying bills and working a real job) is coming at me pretty fast. As I think about it, I'm not ready. But, I never would have been ready for it when I thought I was.

I know I'm not the only one when he was a kid who just wished they could grow a mustache and be done with childhood. Ok, maybe the whole mustache thing, but you get my point. They say youth is wasted on the young, and I think "they" are right. I'm far from out of my youth, but oh for the days when all I had to do was go to high school and worry about my worsening complexion (high school is done, but the complexion remains...). The "real world" is encroaching on me quickly, and I find myself feeling ill-prepared. But then I see stuff that's happened to me in the past and especially recent past and I know that I'm closer than I've ever been. I don't have everything figured out (like everyone else does when they grow up), but I'm getting there. And I'm better off than I was when I was a teenager.

That's probably why we don't live like Benjamin Button; we all get older and wiser. If only Marge's words were true, I would have been ready for the longest time and life would seem easy. And if there's one thing I know, it's that NO ONE'S life is easy. Except for Taylor Swift.

P.S. The obligatory "Best Simpsons blank" Posts are just around the corner. I'm consolidating my favorite episode and quotes list, so finally my important opinion will be available to the world.

Oxford Is Losing It

"Mmmm...Sacrilicious..."

This quote is from the episode "Homer Loves Flanders," this instance coming after Homer prays to receive tickets to a football game. In response to his prayer, Ned Flanders comes offering him a ticket, to which Homer turns around and yells, "Oh Lord, why do you mock me?" To which Marge replies, "Homer, that's not God, it's a waffle Bart threw up there." One of my favorite quotes that slips into my everyday vernacular.

So, the reason this quote gets attention is once again from my school career. This time, it was definitely a concerted attempt to quote the Simpsons by my Music 201 professor. We were discussing Shakespeare. And I know, the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Shakespeare is the Simpsons, right? Let me explain. Dr. Howard, my Australian professor, said that Shakespeare added an estimated 1500 words to the English language. The only other person to come close, he said, is Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons. He went on to say that words like "D'oh," "Cromulent," and "Craptacular" were added to the dictionary thanks to Mr. Groening. He then said that "Sacrilicious" is one that made it in there as well.

Now, as you all guessed, I was sitting there knowing exactly what he was talking about and laughing myself silly with it. But, when he said "sacrilicious," I was taken by suprise. I've never heard anyone but me say that word outside of the Simpsons universe. But apparently, other people are freaks like me. No big point, it's just nice to know that there are other freaks like me out there...somewhere...


P.S. 1,000,000 bonus points to anyone who can tell me what the definition of "kwyjibo" is.

Literature Never Dies

"Shut up, Updike!"

This quote comes from Krusty the Klown after John Updike laughs at him. This after John Updike wrote most of Krusty's "auto"biography. It's not everyday that a fictional clown can make fun of a writer like John Updike.

The reason for this quote comes again from my academic pursuits. As a part of a humanities class I'm enrolled in, I must research a figure from our class discussions and find out what people thought of him or her in his or her day and also today (think Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, but with less leg warmers and phonebooths, and more internet research and audible "whoa"s from me). I decided on Geoffrey Chaucer, author of the very famous "Canterbury Tales." And he's a writer. Like Updike. It works, ok?

While researching this, I stumbled across this interesting entry: "Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog." That's interesting, mostly because I didn't know guys who have been dead for 600 years could have access to the internet. Apparently the after-life has better internet service than Qwest. And, after reading a few entries, it seems our man Geoff has an affinity for the city of Las Vegas. You know, those dead poets are always looking for a good time.

So, if Geoff and I can have blogs, who's to say everyone shouldn't have one? I mean, really! Geoff actually writes in Old English, which is difficult enough to read anyway.

Geography? Nah.

"Water doesn't obey your 'rules.' It goes where it wants to. Like me, babe."

First of all, sorry I have written for a while. But chances are if you're reading this blog, our relationship is not based on it. So I think you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Now, back to the quote. This one is from Bart upon losing to Lisa as they pour liquids down the sink in a race to the bottom. Lisa explains that reason she won is because of the Coriolis effect, eliciting Bart's response.

No, I'm not saying that I go where I want like water disobeying the laws of physics (but that is very cool to watch). On the contrary, in my Geography class last week, the professor taught about the Coriolis effect, and I almost had to leave the room because I couldn't stop laughing. You see, whenever a key word like the Coriolis effect from a Simpsons quote is said, my brain immediately makes the connection, thus bringing in all the quotes from that episode, this one being one of my all time favorites.

Suddenly, in the midst of 250 students, I was choking back giggles about Australia, giant boots, and the Marine Corps. Lines like, "What kind of sick country would kick someone in the butt with a giant boot?!?" "Mr. Simpson, shush! Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense! It's one of their proudest traditions!" and "I'm suprised he was able to write so legibly on his own butt." and "Just so you guys don't hear any wild rumors, I'm getting indicted for fraud in Australia." "Well, that's no reason to block the TV." and "I'm gonna report this to me member of Parliament! Gus! I got something to report to ya!" "That's a bloody outrage it is!"

For all of you that haven't seen that one, it's a wonderful satire on, well, the government and Australia. I highly recommend it. But, for those of you that can't quite understand how my mind works (and that should be all of you, because I'm not even sure), these lines could not get out of my head, causing me to completely miss the point of the lesson, and thus block my education. I'm not crazy, but am a little weird. And I'm sure that my mind, which works like a steel trap for useless information, will function on the exam. But I will never forget that moment when I almost wet my pants in front of 250 students, 4 TAs, and my professor.

Good times, good times.