You Don't Need An Elephant for These Mountains

"The sea forgives all! Not like those mean old mountains, I hate them so much!"

This line comes from Homer after running away from a kidney transplant for his dad and is looking for a place to get away. This episode is not one of my favorites (a Quotin-ist Blog first!), but this line is one that I find myself quoting quite often, if not always thinking about it.

So, like several of my posts previously, this one comes as a result of one of my classes; in this case, my political geography class. The professor, dutifully preparing us for an upcoming exam, was discussing how the topography of an area can influence its actions or directions. The discussion turned to how mountains help to give protection and isolation, leading to diversified religious and ethnic groups and further disunity on the whole. All this due to mountains isolating people from the rest of the world. Wow, good on you if you read through all of that and still want to read more. "But," you may ask, "where is/are the joke/s in all of this? C'mon monkey man, make me chortle with delight!" Once again, good on you if those exact words went through your head. It took me several rewrites.

Well, I hate to disappoint my audience (a goal at which I often fail, just ask the audience at the sketch comedy group audition I went to a few weeks ago), so here is the transcript of the discussion I lead in my head with the class, my argument based on Homer's thoughts:

Me: But, Professor, why would groups seeking for relief go to the mountains?

Prof: Well, they offer protection, relative safety, isolation from bigger, possibly oppressive majorities, and a smaller group to govern over.

Me: Yes, but we all know the reputation of mountains...(strange looks from the majority of the class) You know, how they're jerks?

Prof:...I'm sorry I'm afraid I don't follow.

Me: You know, how they're mean. I know of a few instances where the mountains were rejected as a place to hide because it is very unforgiving.

Prof: Oh, because it is unforgiving! Yes, well mountainous living is not the most hospitable life, but it does offer relative safety and isolation.

Me: Well, there's that, and also because they are not very charitable places to be. Why not the sea? After all, "the sea forgives all," right?

Prof: The sea is even harder to live on than mountains. Disease is more prevalent on the sea, worthy vessels must be found, and no permanent, renewable crops exist on the sea. So if anything, the sea is more unforgiving than mountains.

Me: That doesn't make any sense.

Prof: What doesn't?

Me: The sea less forgiving than mountains? Not likely.

Prof: Do you mean to suggest that the sea literally forgives, as in absolving and providing relief in previous wrongdoing?

Me: Yes, isn't that what we've been talking about?

Prof: No, not even sort of. We have been talking about the inhabitability of areas for groups to become isolated from pursuing enemies. We, that is, the rest of the class, has been discussing the socio-economic, political, linguistic, and physical ramifications of a group settling in the mountains and what that does to the state and consequently the surrounding area. You, on the other hand, seem to have it in your mind that the mountains are vindictive, unforgiving, merciless, personified beings who wish to make life miserable for those who choose to live there, meanwhile the sea is the ideal place to live for someone escaping conscience.

Me: D'OH!

If you're still asking, "But, where is/are the joke/s? You mean I just read all of that for no reason?!?" you should have been in that audition crowd.

I don't remember much of the resulting actual discussion the class had. And again, good on you if you understood what the professor was saying. I sure didn't.