Learnin' and Burnin'

"Every time I learn something new, it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?" "You were drunk!" "And how!"

This exchange comes from the episode "Secrets of a Successful Marriage," a stellar episode. This is Homer talking to Marge trying to find out how education is going to make him smarter. A great quote for what's happening to me currently.

I am currently about three semesters away from graduating with a bachelor's degree. I'm arriving at the point in my education where I don't think I can cram one more little piece of information into my brain (Come to think of it, there's probably plenty of room in there once I clear out these Simpsons' quotes, but what are you gonna do?).

When I was younger, it seemed that tidbits of information could be stored infinitely inside my cranium. I would hear or learn something, and suddenly it was there forever. It is because of this that I can remember who won the Battle of Saratoga in the American Revolution or who won Super Bowl I. But earlier this week, I went to take a midterm and wound up realizing my usual method for learning had for the first time that I can remember had failed me. I looked at the midterm, its letters seemingly reformed to say "Game Over, Mate" in the shape of a frog with an Australian accent (another Simpsons thing) and that's about all I saw for some time.

Convinced that all I had to do was rearrange some stuff up there, I began to rack my brain. Little snapshots of things flashed by and I was able to scratch out some kind of answer. I'm afraid I'll have to leave you in suspense as to how the test turned out; I haven't received my grade yet.

Oh and FYI, I drove home perfectly safely after the test. But I did burst out giggling for twenty minutes for no reason later that night . Oh well.

You Don't Need An Elephant for These Mountains

"The sea forgives all! Not like those mean old mountains, I hate them so much!"

This line comes from Homer after running away from a kidney transplant for his dad and is looking for a place to get away. This episode is not one of my favorites (a Quotin-ist Blog first!), but this line is one that I find myself quoting quite often, if not always thinking about it.

So, like several of my posts previously, this one comes as a result of one of my classes; in this case, my political geography class. The professor, dutifully preparing us for an upcoming exam, was discussing how the topography of an area can influence its actions or directions. The discussion turned to how mountains help to give protection and isolation, leading to diversified religious and ethnic groups and further disunity on the whole. All this due to mountains isolating people from the rest of the world. Wow, good on you if you read through all of that and still want to read more. "But," you may ask, "where is/are the joke/s in all of this? C'mon monkey man, make me chortle with delight!" Once again, good on you if those exact words went through your head. It took me several rewrites.

Well, I hate to disappoint my audience (a goal at which I often fail, just ask the audience at the sketch comedy group audition I went to a few weeks ago), so here is the transcript of the discussion I lead in my head with the class, my argument based on Homer's thoughts:

Me: But, Professor, why would groups seeking for relief go to the mountains?

Prof: Well, they offer protection, relative safety, isolation from bigger, possibly oppressive majorities, and a smaller group to govern over.

Me: Yes, but we all know the reputation of mountains...(strange looks from the majority of the class) You know, how they're jerks?

Prof:...I'm sorry I'm afraid I don't follow.

Me: You know, how they're mean. I know of a few instances where the mountains were rejected as a place to hide because it is very unforgiving.

Prof: Oh, because it is unforgiving! Yes, well mountainous living is not the most hospitable life, but it does offer relative safety and isolation.

Me: Well, there's that, and also because they are not very charitable places to be. Why not the sea? After all, "the sea forgives all," right?

Prof: The sea is even harder to live on than mountains. Disease is more prevalent on the sea, worthy vessels must be found, and no permanent, renewable crops exist on the sea. So if anything, the sea is more unforgiving than mountains.

Me: That doesn't make any sense.

Prof: What doesn't?

Me: The sea less forgiving than mountains? Not likely.

Prof: Do you mean to suggest that the sea literally forgives, as in absolving and providing relief in previous wrongdoing?

Me: Yes, isn't that what we've been talking about?

Prof: No, not even sort of. We have been talking about the inhabitability of areas for groups to become isolated from pursuing enemies. We, that is, the rest of the class, has been discussing the socio-economic, political, linguistic, and physical ramifications of a group settling in the mountains and what that does to the state and consequently the surrounding area. You, on the other hand, seem to have it in your mind that the mountains are vindictive, unforgiving, merciless, personified beings who wish to make life miserable for those who choose to live there, meanwhile the sea is the ideal place to live for someone escaping conscience.

Me: D'OH!

If you're still asking, "But, where is/are the joke/s? You mean I just read all of that for no reason?!?" you should have been in that audition crowd.

I don't remember much of the resulting actual discussion the class had. And again, good on you if you understood what the professor was saying. I sure didn't.

Space Stuff 'n' Junk

"In your face, Space Coyote!"

This quote comes from the Spanish-titled episode (see? I told you I would quote from it more later). After receiving a message from a coyote in the sky (who is actually Johnny Cash) dealing with his soul mate, Homer goes on a spiritual quest to find his kindred spirit, who turns out to be shockingly Marge. Upon discovering this, Homer dances around in a circle in a sing-song and gives this quote. It's one of my favorites, but don't ask me why.

It is the third day of school as I post this. Maybe it's because I have posted 13 times and that's unlucky so I'm trying to make it an even 14, but I think it has more to do with my desire to show the universe up.

I have a class and a professor (both shall remain nameless to protect them. I have some powerful enemies) who are admittedly, unabashedly, and unrepentantly difficult and often reduce freshmen to tears. I am also enrolled in a History class that requires several chapters of books to be read each week. Throw on three other 300-level classes and being newly married and normal life stresses and sometimes it can feel like the universe could be against you. I know that all of you have had this kind of feeling before, like the odds are stacked against you and very little that you do will have any bearing on what actually happens. Well, I've got good news for you.

I don't pretend to have more experience than everyone else, nor do I have the answers to everything. However, some inspiration can be drawn from Homer's words here. He is indeed a very stupid and lazy individual, but even he can overcome the difficulties of the universe. And if he can do it, so can we. I'm excited to see the time when I can dance around and point to the sky and say with disdainful superiority in my voice, "In your face, Space Coyote!"

However, that time is not now. That astro-canine will have to wait for his comeuppance. Until then, my space coyote spirit guide will merely laugh as I try my best everyday. It seems that, like my sob-inducing professor, the universe likes to show me the chances of success and chuckle when I cringe. But I'm going to show the universe and my space coyote. I don't want to incur the wrath of the universe, so I'll just say that it will be tough and I am going to work as hard as I can. Hear that, Universe? I'm not asking for more, just declaring my intentions.

Good show, Universe.

It's been a crazy six months...

"I enjoyed a brief but memorable stint as Sideshow Marge."

This line comes from Marge in the episode "Eight Misbehavin'" as the family discusses the past nine months that were skipped in the show's timeline for Manjula's pregnancy. I also like Lisa's "I became the most popular kid in school, but lost it all by being conceited," and Bart learning the true meanings of Columbus Day and Winter in those nine months.

It truly has been a crazy few months for me, and that probably explains why I haven't written for a long time. In fact, I'd bet dollars to donuts that no one even reads this any more...darn.

Anywho, I've been doing a lot, like working a ton at my new job at the Orem Public Library, a job that is pretty much awesome and is rapidly becoming the job I've been at the longest; just started school today; got married in July to the love of my life (see "Rejection Avenue" for more info about her); got our own place and are living the dream. Oh and once I saw a blimp.

So there's lots of stuff that's happened in the last six months...oh wait, it's only been five since I posted last! Well now I don't feel so bad. Man it's been a crazy five months...

And once I saw a blimp.

Power Ballad!!

"Becky, you're a rose. Will you let me be your thorn?"

These words come from Otto the bus driver, proposing to his girlfriend as the classic Poison ballad wails in the background. This episode has some other great one-liners, but I'm using this one to get on a soapbox.

This song should be the anthem for the US now. Why you ask? Well, I'll tell you even if you're not asking that. I will use just a few examples:
1. Rose: Being the world power is great. A lot of privilege, prestige, kickbacks, security, free trade agreements, Google, nachos, Disneyland, etc. It wasn't easy to be the world's leading power (or keeping it that way either), but following the Cold War, you know, that thing in history books kids learn about now, the US rose to be the world's only power. Rose.
Thorn: Everyone hates you. Except Mongolia. Just look at what's happened in the past few years: Western Europe, whose bacon we've saved on numerous occasions, has been frostier and frostier to us. Relations with South Korea have been declining. Sections of Islam see the US as the Great Satan. Latin America wants us to leave it alone (and I'm not just talking about Chavez). The UN ignores us and we it. And lest we forget, 9/11 was inspired by hate of the US. But at least Eastern Europe and Mongolia still like us.

2. Rose: President Obama as president. Now, before you freak on me, the fact is more that an African-American man was elected president. 40 years ago, that was almost blasphemy. But it has happened. He is highly idealistic, which has some up sides for the president.
Thorn: Well, I don't think I need to explicate too much. Health care. Spending spree. Extreme party division lines. Inexperience, both foreign and domestic. Highly idealistic.

There's probably more, but I'm trying to write this before class. Bret Michaels was really on to something, before that something was Celebrity Apprentice. Thank you, Otto, I believe I will let you be my thorn.

It's Been A While

"Parents want to make sure their babysitter is ready for anything. That's why they hire teenagers."

First off, to those who read this blog, hopefully it is not a surprise to you that I have taken such a break from posting. It's been a ridiculously difficult time for me recently, and I haven't felt much like writing. But hey, you can't get mad at me for that right? Right???

Anyway, this quote comes from Marge, trying to explain to Lisa why no one has hired her as a babysitter. A great episode called "My Sister, My Sitter" from Season 8. And it's funny because it's true.

At least, that's what I would like. It seems like the real world (you know, the one where you find yourself in adult situations, like paying bills and working a real job) is coming at me pretty fast. As I think about it, I'm not ready. But, I never would have been ready for it when I thought I was.

I know I'm not the only one when he was a kid who just wished they could grow a mustache and be done with childhood. Ok, maybe the whole mustache thing, but you get my point. They say youth is wasted on the young, and I think "they" are right. I'm far from out of my youth, but oh for the days when all I had to do was go to high school and worry about my worsening complexion (high school is done, but the complexion remains...). The "real world" is encroaching on me quickly, and I find myself feeling ill-prepared. But then I see stuff that's happened to me in the past and especially recent past and I know that I'm closer than I've ever been. I don't have everything figured out (like everyone else does when they grow up), but I'm getting there. And I'm better off than I was when I was a teenager.

That's probably why we don't live like Benjamin Button; we all get older and wiser. If only Marge's words were true, I would have been ready for the longest time and life would seem easy. And if there's one thing I know, it's that NO ONE'S life is easy. Except for Taylor Swift.

P.S. The obligatory "Best Simpsons blank" Posts are just around the corner. I'm consolidating my favorite episode and quotes list, so finally my important opinion will be available to the world.