Lists...Everyone Loves Lists...

"Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world."

This quote comes from Comic Book Guy Jeff Albertson in the episode "The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show." When asked about the preceding episode, this is what he responded with. Of course, the most iconic quote from CBG was in the same sentence, "Worst. Episode. Ever.", but I'm saving that one for a later date. It's just that this blog hasn't been around forever, and I don't want it to become cliche.

I wanted to use a CBG quote, because, as I promised about a year ago, I finally have my list of my 27 favorite Simpsons episodes. Why 27 you ask? Well, for starters, I have posted 27 times now, "27" itself is a Simpsons quote, and 27 is a funny number. Go ahead and find a funnier one. I have also been inspired by ESPN.com's NBA lockout filler NBA material, where they ranked 400 current players.

So here we go, my favorite episodes. The criteria is not standardized at all, but I generally like to have funny guest stars, numerous memorable quotes, a good message, based on a topic I like, and bonus points for making me cry. With that, I start with #27.

27. "The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star"-Season 16
Guest Star: Liam Neeson as the hip priest Father Sean
Memorable quotes: Marge: "Homer, you've been out all night, and it looks like you've accepted someone as your personal something...Were you at that Catholic Church?"
Father Sean's Dad: "Just like your mother, can't take a punch!"
Father Sean: "I was laying in the gutter picking up me teeth when St. Peter himself appears before me. 'Sean, yah wanker', he says, 'repent of your wicked ways or sod off!'. Then he gobbed in my face and turned back into a streetlight."
Message: Bart summarizes how I feel about the current religious world divide: "Don't you get it? It's all Christianity, people! The little stupid differences are nothing next to the big stupid similarities!"
Made me cry: No
Notes: Religion with the Simpsons is a bit of a toss-up for me. Sometimes it is really funny, like in this episode. Sometimes, it is just kind of uncomfortable. However, some of the stereotypical Catholic and Protestant scenes in the episode were great, like how the Irish angel told everyone in Catholic Heaven to "Dance, ye heavenly gobs!"

26. "The Cartridge Family"-Season 9
Guest Star: None
Memorable quotes: Homer: "Come to the NRA meeting with me and if you still don't think guns are great, we'll argue some more."
Sarcastic Clerk: "Whoa, careful there, Annie Oakley!" Homer: "I don't have to be careful, I got a gun!"
Salesman: "But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives!" Homer: "I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are."
Message: Family is very important. Homer finally realizes that what he wants most in life is his family, and he can't have that as long as he has the gun.
Made me cry: No
Notes: I've used the Sarcastic Clerk's line listed above a lot. I'm not a gun person, but I do like calling people Annie Oakley for some reason.

25. "Homer's Enemy"-Season 8
Guest Star: None
Memorable quotes: Grimes: (talking about Homer) "God, he eats like a pig!" Lenny: "I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck."
(Bart notices that the factory has collapsed) Bart: "Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!" Milhouse: "I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over."
Frank Grimes: "If this were any other country, you'd have starved to death long ago." Bart: "He's got you there, Dad."
Message: Not really sure, some people have to work really hard while others skate through life? I really like how bothered Homer is that he has an enemy. I have a feeling I would act similarly.
Made me cry: No.
Notes: Bart and Milhouse's exchange listed above is one of our family's favorite quotes.

24. "Simpson Tide"-Season 9
Guest Star: Bob Denver as himself, Rod Steiger as Captain Tenille
Memorable quotes: Man: "Attention, Homer Simpson. you have ten seconds to explain your actions before we open fire." Homer: "Uh ... it's my first day!"
Lisa: "Be careful, Dad." Homer: "Oh, Lisa, it's just war games. It's not like a game could hurt me. (Homer starts imagining) Damn you, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots! Can't we all just get along?"
Tennille: "I'm a man of few words. Any questions?" Homer: "Uh, is the poop deck really what I think it is?" Tennille: (laughs) "I like the cut of your jib." Homer: "What's a jib?" Tennille: (laughs, then speaks to his sergeant) "Promote that man."
Message: The military is silly. No, just kidding. This favorite has less to do with the message, and more with the context. I love almost every line in this episode.
Made me cry: No.
Notes: Great name of Captain Tenille. While on the base, Homer ties the perfect sheep shank, a knot for which his drill sargeant commends him, but then says he should tie the other end to the ship. I know how to tie a sheep shank. And they said I would never learn anything from Boy Scouts. The picture at the beginning of this post is from that episode, and I love it so.

23. "Behind the Laughter"-Season 11
Guest Star: Aside from the ones from the clips they showed, just Jim Forbes, the narrator
Memorable quotes: Homer: "Why did I take so much punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs."
Narrator: "The dream was over. Coming up, was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?"
Lenny: "Even Bart was throwin' dough around. He paid me and Carl $1000 to kiss each other." Carl: "Hey, did we ever get that money?" (long pause)
Message: Not really present, but I love a lot of the lines from this one.
Made me cry: No.
Notes: I used to watch "Behind the Music" on VH1 a lot when I was younger, and this episode was so much like that show that it was impossible for me not to like it.

22. "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"-Season 14
Guest Star: Brian Setzer as himself, Keith Richards as himself, Lenny Kravitz as himself, Mick Jagger as himself, Tom Petty as himself, and Elvis Costello as himself.
Memorable quotes: Brian Setzer: "We'll start with the fundamentals -- playing a burning guitar with your teeth."
Mick Jagger: And no matter where you are, you always say "It's the wildest town in the whole damn world." Wiggum: "So when you said it in Springfield last year you didn't mean it?" Mick Jagger: "Yeah sure I did, but only because Springfield really is the wildest town in the whole damn world." (everyone cheers)
Homer: "My dream has been shattered into shards of a broken dream!"
Message: I like how the family comes together to give Homer a chance to go to Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp, even though he's kind of a jerk on TV to them.
Made me cry: No
Notes: I love all the guest stars they got for this one, and the crying Kenny Loggins when Apu asks about crotch stuffing.

21. "Homer and Apu"-Season 5
Guest Star: Michael Carrington as the TV comedian, James Woods as himself.
Memorable quotes: Homer: "Hey! He's not happy at all! He lied to us through song, I hate when people do that!"
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: You may ask me three questions.
Apu: That's great, because I only need one!
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: Really!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: You!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening to you. Thank you, come again!
Homer: "Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."
Message: You need to face your demons, people lie through song a lot, and James Woods is hilarious.
Made me cry: No
Notes: I had a really hard time narrowing this one down to three quotes from this espisode, there are so many. I wanted to include the line where Apu thought he was a hummingbird, or where James Woods is swearing at his oven, or when McGruff the Crime Dog is barking out a message from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or when Homer remarks, "That dog can sell anything."

Stay tuned for the next post, numbers 20-16!