Old Dog, Old Mistakes

"Marge, my friend, I haven't learned a thing."

This quote comes from the episode "Homer Bad Man" in Season 6. This is Homer telling Marge that he hasn't learned his lesson about anything following his clearing of a sexual harassment case. It's a great episode from a great season.

It turns out I'm a slow learner. Even about stuff that I'm adamant about learning. That is, I'm a slow learner when it comes to unimportant thing. I have tried to tell people for years that I learned my lesson, and yet I stand here today, realizing I just broke my self-imposed rule about sports: Never, and I mean never, abstain from watching.

If you do not know me, I will tell you that I love sports. Playing sports is fun, but as a physical specimen, well let's just say that when they were handing out muscle, coordination, and skill, I was out taking a whizz. I also like to watch sports; football, hockey, basketball, and baseball, although the last two only if I have a dog in the fight or it is the championship. I like to watch the college bowl games around January because there's often not a lot to do on New Year's Day for me because I don't have to sleep off any hangovers. That, my gentle reader, is where my story begins.

When I was a freshman in college, I was dating a girl who did not care for sports in the same way I do. Like at all. She didn't like to watch football (which I should have realized right there was a dealbreaker), and since we went to different colleges, she didn't even root for BYU with me. She, being a good girlfriend, would watch BYU football games with me, but drew the line there. I, being a good boyfriend, didn't push it.

This leads us to January 1, 2007.

As college football fans will attest, this time is a glorious time for football. Surprising endings, trick plays, underdog victories, and general mirth-making are all trademarks of New Year's Day. And that is exactly what happened this year. Call me a sucker if you will, but I love a good underdog story. Against all odds, one person or group of people rise up to take their spot among the heroes and greats, remembered in history by people who have nothing better to do with their time. It's a part of our national consciousness as well; the Miracle on Ice in 1980, the "Iron Will" race in the 1940s, Rocky Balboa vs. Everyone Who Was Ever in a Rocky Movie. Even the founding of our nation was a group of ragtag misfits coming together to throw off the Redcoats (if I remember my history correctly. Paul Giamatti and Emilio Estevez were involved, right?).

The Fiesta Bowl played that year featured one of these stories: BCS legend the Oklahoma Sooners vs. ragtag group of BCS busters the Boise State Broncos. I really dislike Oklahoma. I don't know why, but I just do. Anyway, my girlfriend came over that night and my dad wanted to watch the game but knew my girlfriend didn't want to. So he went up to watch the game in his own room and left the two of us to watch a movie. I didn't have a team of interest, and I don't like watching Oklahoma, so we decided on the movie 13 Going On 30.

My dad would come downstairs periodically to tell me how the game was going. Things were looking bleak for the underdogs in the fourth quarter, so I was pretty happy to be watching Mark Ruffalo with my girlfriend instead of Oklahoma winning. However, things changed in the fourth quarter. I'll let you read about what happened here. Magically, Boise State came back to win it, and some are calling it one of the best games ever. All the time, my dad came down the stairs and asked, "ARE YOU WATCHING THIS GAME THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!" Upon seeing the movie we were watching, his face morphed into something I can't quite explain. It was a mix between shame, amazement, and that look in his eye when he realizes he can make fun of me forever for something, like the time I signed my first name with a star for the A. I still don't hear the end of it from my dad or his boss.

Right then and there, I decided that I would never miss another game like that again. In fact, come March, I filled out my March Madness bracket and was late to a date with the same girlfriend because I was watching the UCLA-Gonzaga game and didn't want my whole bracket to be upset while I was watching some movie starring Jennifer Garner and whoever is the decidedly sexy male lead. I learned my lesson, or so I thought.

I married a girl who likes to watch football with me. We've even gone to a few BYU football games together and have had a blast. Last night, she really wanted to leave the house and go out. We decided on going to the movie Moneyball. Last night also happened to be a BYU football game against one of our in-state rivals Utah State. This season, I have been very disappointed in the quarterback situation (Sit Heaps! I want Riley!), and I can only take so much disappointment, so I mended my rule and went to the movie. I assumed that either BYU would lose in spectacular fashion like they did to Utah, or it would be close and they wouldn't pull it out. I also dislike watching Jake Heaps throw the ball backwards, so I figured I could go to a movie.

I texted my mom after the movie to talk to her about it. She texted back saying, "You didn't watch the game? BYU just won. Exciting finish." I called her right then and found out that they sat ol' St. Jake, and put in Riley Nelson, who I like. I also found out that BYU's last drive went 96 yards and they scored a touchdown with 11 seconds left to win the game. My boy Riley went 10/14 for 144 yards and two touchdowns and 11 carries for 62 yards, and I missed it. Now, it wasn't exactly the 2007 Fiesta Bowl, but I actually cared about this one. My wife felt bad because she knows my story, but I had agreed to go to the movie and even chose which one to see.

So you can see, my friend, I haven't learned a thing.